the devil's dictionary

it seems like a long time ago when i was sitting insanely cramming up words and their meanings to write the GRE.

if only someone had told me about the devil's dictionary, i'd have had a lot more irreverant fun.

here are some entries in Ambrose Bierce's devil's dictionary (copied from of course, wikipedia!!!)

Abstainer

A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

Arrest

Barometer

An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Cat

A soft indestructible automaton provided by Nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

Congratulation

The civility of envy.

Education

That which discloses to the wise, and disguises from the foolish, their lack of understanding.

Marriage

The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

Mayonnaise

One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.

Patience

A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

Philosophy

A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Pray

To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Rational

Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

Religion

A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Road

A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

Vote

The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

Zeal

A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

**********************
thankfully, a lot of his work's available online.